Answers just lead to more questions
My mom is recovering okay and is still at the hospital. (She had surgery yesterday). Today the doctors says that they found nothing . Nothing. All that...the pain, the stress, the worry, the physical difficulty of the body handling its third surgery this year...for nothing. Yes, it is good and bad. Good because no tumour was hiding there. Bad because (ahh, scream) NOTHING IS BEING FOUND! No answers still. And it seems like she is just wasting away still. More tests, they will do more tests as they keep her in the hospital this week. She says she is losing faith. I understand. I don't know what to do anymore. I am making the decision to continue trusting God, but I am disappointed. I KNOW He is carrying us but I feel more like my family is being dragged than carried. His grace is sufficient and to live is Christ, to die is gain...but its hard. My heart and my mind are on different wavelengths. Lord, give me the faith of Job...who am I to question you? You made this whole earth? You bled and died for us. Blessed be Your Name. And argh, I just can't seem to be emotional about any of this. I'm "good"...I'm "okay"...I'm kinda numb and apathetic. I have been struggling with apathy for so long. It blankets itself across my whole life. I long to be joyful, and I wait...trusting that He will provide.
Fun times
I am back in Vancouver! I had an awesome time in Ontario. To my amazing friends that I didn't get a chance to see, I am sorry. I was visiting my high school buddies, said hi and goodbye to this years' new Asia Stint team, then off to family's for a couple nights. It was packed. I liked Toronto...lots to do (though a little expensive), good places to eat, better night life than here (not that I really go out much anyways, but it was fun). Saw CN tower, U of T, ROM, Taste of the Danforth (spelling???), Bata Shoe Museum (weird I know), Casa Loma (from the outside), Wakestock (wakeboarding, Sloan, Pilate, the Trews). And saw my good friends who I realize more now that I have missed. It's hard to grow up and part ways and life styles. I always thought I would be inseperable from so many high school friends. One thing is for SURE....INTENTIONALITY is key. I learned that this year from being away. I can't just expect others to make the effort. I have been blessed a lot by good friends who've done their part to keep in touch and gave me grace when I failed to do mine. My family (mom's bro and his wife) spoiled me in Ottawa, too. Saw parliament, took a boat tour, ate great food...
For those who have no idea what's going on in my life, I am back from a year in Asia with Stint, and now I focus my plans on getting into vet school next year. In the meantime, I will go to the UK to travel in Ireland and work in England for a horse vet, then off to Oz for my bestie's wedding (and to explore the East coast a bit while I am there). My travels commence Sept 24th and I'll be back for New Years'. Workin a couple weeks end of August and trying somehow to do something to make money in Sept (catering jobs? extra work?). Anyways, Lyn, thanks for your response, and Gwen for your urging...I am motivated to keep this baby up again.
PS Need some new worship songs...any recommendations? From being away, I feel outta the loop on music here, and the radio can only do so much.
PPS In other music news, really liking Damian Rice right now
Anyone Still Read This?
Well, I have been back for some time now. Currently its 3am. Eastern time. I am tired. And I want to go on and on about stuff. Toronto has a LOT of unbelievably good looking guys. Went to Wakestock. Then out for the nite. Dancing is good times. But I am not gonna blab now. I think I will watch an episode of Grey's Anatomy instead. I will blab soon, but does anyone even check this anymore? Man, so much stuff is going on.
