Ramblings of a Restless, Wandering Girl

So what....I am (cringe) single

Okay, okay. I am getting really tired of the emphasis people place on dating relationships, like they are the only thing that matters. Its like, people have to explain why they are single. You can't just be like "Yeah, I am single," then smile. There is always that pause before you say the big "S" word. Like you have to apologize. Or like you have to be prepared for sympathy from some people. Actually, that is not necessarily true....It is more like being single is alright because people think it is circumstantial. But if you choose not to actively pursue relationships, then something is wrong (are they crazy? overly independent? gay? prudish?). When I told my hairdresser the other day that I wasn't "seeing anybody" she said, "Oh, that is okay, you are so busy in school...yadayada." Isn't it okay even if I wasn't busy or in school? What happens if I stop and still don't want a relationship?

It is amazing to have some wise and loving people in my life to give me more perspective on this issue and make me realize I am not alone in my struggles. My lack of experience in the relationships department is actually a huge part of the reason I first surrendered to God. I thought there was something wrong with me for not wanting to date and at the same time I began to worry that due the state I was at in early university, I would never marry or have children in the future. He gave me the confidence that He loves me for me and my future is in His hands.

Sure, sometimes it is lonely. Sometimes it is difficult because lust can still be a battle and for girls, I think there is definitely an emotional component to lust, which can be dangerous. I still crush...pretty hard core sometimes. Even John Mayer songs can make me get into this dreamy state that can be really distracting (mind you.....he IS the epitome of romance....do you hear the words that come out of this guy's mouth?...sigh). Anyways...

I am stealing the link to this article that a friend got from a friend (or something like that). Check out: http://www.boundless.org/features/a0000941.html.

I know God is working and teaching me in this so called "season of celibacy." I am scared to think that this "season" will never cease but it also scares me to think that it will, because I am so accustomed to living life the way I know it. Whatever the case, I must always ask myself: who is my first love. With joy, I can say Jesus Christ. And I think if I had gotten into the relationships I had previously longed for with the people I previously longed for, it would have been very messy and I would have made some HUGE mistakes. Praise God for working in me way way before I knew that He was.

posted by SarHa @ 11:32 PM