I've Got Christmas on My Plate and Romance in My CD Player
| Christmas on my plate refers to my red and green pizza on a paper Christmas plate that had holly on it.....romance to John Mayer (he is romance).
Oh man, I think when I used to write, I used to be a lot deeper. I think that I lost my involvement in that agonizing but rewarding process of pondering life's questions when I was in high school. Or maybe I just swallow the questions up and hide them in the back of my mind now because I am so swept up in business. But then again, I think many of the things that burned me when I was in high school are now answered...namely what my purpose is (to have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ and prepare myself for an eternity with him), who I am, who God is, and what my future holds. The latter is never answerable, but I can rest assured that it is in Gods hands and his plans are "to prosper [me] and not to harm [me]." This was a big part of me coming to faith...worrying about what lay ahead and fearing regret. Along with feeling disgusted with myself and realizing that God still loved me so incredibly much. I was reading Shelley's entry from a few days ago and she talked about how she has layers that are hard to break through. I relate. Maybe I put up walls around me that makes it difficult to go beyond the shallow because it means vulnerability. Maybe I am just fearful to share with others the deeper things in my life now. Or maybe I feel many would not understand. Especially now that I am back from project...many things seem less purposeful and more shallow. Not to seem self-righteous at all or anything....I am definitely still a work in progress, I just grew so much in the last few months. It is difficult to connect to my mom and family and to some of my friends. I just wish they would see how amazing life is...how amazing Christ is...what God has done for us and the gift that is ours for the taking...and that we really were meant for so much more than it seems. And for those who have seen and tasted this but are struggling in their walk, I wish that they would be able to submit to God and forfeit the power struggle that we engage in with him. So amazing to have Eleanor back here for the week. I can not believe how perfect the timing is. Our walks are so parallel. We accepted Christ around the same time, both involved in Cru (her in Britain) and we both just finished up a mission's project (hers was at an American University). Now we are both battling the possibility of stinting, and have lots of the same questions and struggles at the moment. I am craving fellowship, and God has definitely planned this out for us. So thankful. It will be hard to see her go again. Anyways, it has been one loooonnngg week. I am going to hang out with my sis for a bit and then sleep. I am excited to sleep in tomorrow. Maybe I'll go swimming now in the pool. It's such an amazing night. God bless. |
posted by SarHa @ 11:42 PM
2 Comments:
I guess I am one of those friends you have difficulty relating to. Keep living with the spririt in you as it beautifies you.
Thanks Pickle! I know I have amazing friends and people to turn to...and I am very grateful. And I am sooooo grateful for my non-Christian friends too cuz I love them and they are such amazing awesome people. I want them to know that. Also, I hope it didn't sound like I felt I had no one to share with. I know I do.
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