Ramblings of a Restless, Wandering Girl

Time for a fast

2007-02-14T17:34:00.000-08:00

I am taking a 40 day fast from the internet, with the exception of email. I need some discernment time, seeking guidance for this summer, and just finding out things besides the computer to rest me. I have been a poor steward of my time, and I need to rearrange a few things in my life. So, I will be back in 40 days. If you hav emy email, email me. Otherwise, an update will find its way back here in a lil over a month. xox, Sarah

Got job #2!

2007-01-23T22:45:00.000-08:00

I got the lab job I wanted! Yay! Two fantastic jobs. I am happy happy happy.

Passing time

2007-01-21T00:56:00.000-08:00

I feel like I haven't written anything meaningful on here for a while. I have been doing a lot of thinking/soul searching too and I need to process a bit more before writing. So tonight is another feathery post of little substance.

So...I went snowshoeing on Cypress today with some good friends from high school. It was a gorgeous day, too. I also saw people from school last night. This is great cuz we don't keep in touch that well and I miss them. This also made me wonder about other people I haven't talked to for a long time. And so, I spent a lot of tonight on the computer doing random things, including checking out myspace for peeps from QE. It was good, I found quite a few. I also managed to do this survey (posted on my own myspace)and this celeb look alike thing.

It's 1am and I am hungry. But I should sleep. A dilemma.

No Longer a Bum!

2007-01-19T20:15:00.000-08:00

Guess who has a job...? Does this mean I can't stay up til 3 and sleep til noon anymore? Well, that's growing up for you.

I am working for a company called High Touch High Tech. Basically, I go to elementary schools as a scientist and run interactive science workshops for children. It meets one of their grade's required science learning outcomes in a fun, tangible way. I especially was drawn to this job because I think it is a great way to empower kids with scientific knowledge, and spark their interest. I also think it will be cool to show them that young women are scientists too (it's funny how that stereotype hasn't been completely dissolved yet!).

My bosses seem really nice and approachable, and the job appears to be a good fit for me. It will be nice to put my science background to use (even though I am not exactly doing microbiology...no growing cell cultures or extracting DNA, boo). I have missed working with kids though! The dairy job offers I have been hoping for haven't exactly been pouring in, so I may just end up volunteering to milk on weekends. I am still searching for a second job. One may have found me. I have a second interview at Starbuck's on Sunday, and also a Sunday interview for this PT job I really really really want at a lab. Ideally, I would love to do the teaching job daytime 4 times a week and the lab job evenings or early mornings several times a week. Starbucks is a company I have wanted to work for since I could work, but it does pay less, and I would like to be in a place that would look better for vet school and on my resume. As a uni-grad approaching her mid-twenties it's also time to get out of the service industry (not saying this in a prideful way, but in reality I need to get out of my comfort zone).

So, that's a little update for ya. Yay for me and thanks be to JC!

2007-01-11T17:55:00.000-08:00

Just a funny remark...after Tracie and I headed home from driving the Great Ocean road (outside Melbourne), we almost hit a kangaroo! It was soooo close, and would have done tons of damage to the rental car (not good for an under 25 driver), possily us, and its poor little (large actually) self. Then when I started driving again, it kept hopping in front of the car! Suicidal kangaroo! This same ride home we almost ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere and stopped off for free coffee in this small town where we met the nicest people ever (safe driving volunteers) who fed us cake and talked to us to make sure I was alert enough to keep driving. And the stars that night...amazing. The sky was white. It was a good, beautiful, and eventful ride home.

My sis and I at Thunder Tunnel (or something like that) on Great Ocean Rd.

Christmas dinner, where I stuffed my first chicken (organic and free range).

The Twelve Apostles

Gibsons' Steps off Great Ocean Road. My favourite beach because it was so beautiful, colourful, and wild. The waves were incredible.

Steph and I in Singapore eating local foods. Deep fried squid, chilli crab, veggies, xiao mantou and coconut milk. Sooo good.

Pictures from Australia Pt 2--Byron Bay

2007-01-11T17:06:00.000-08:00

Main Beach

Lighthouse

Viewpoint with surfer on wave

Tallows Beach (where I almost died in a wave, haha)

Windy day

Pictures from Australia Pt 1

2007-01-11T12:47:00.000-08:00

Sydney Harbour on cloudy day (I have better Sydney pics of the beaches and stuff but left a cd behind in Aust. I will post when I get it back)

Me feeding a wallabee on Phillip Island

Central Melbourne (Tracie's pic)

Kangaroo and baby

Going out in Sydney with friends from Scotland

Learning the art of waiting

2007-01-10T14:31:00.000-08:00

Ugh. So bored. Unproductive. So much time on my hands. I want a job. I have enough rest already, and it's only been a week. I don't have any money to spend which rules out most fun, even simple things like getting photos developed so I can sort them/play around. I've read enough, watched enough movies and tv, am constantly on the computer (how many times a day can I check email?), tidied, worked out, caught up with a several friends, revamped and revamped my resume/cove letter etc etc etc. And today I was hoping to head out but I am snowed in. I know I am complaining, and I don't like complaining so I will stop. But enough is enough. Can you say impatient, hehe? (PS My mother just described her pastry shell as gorgeous. Help me!)

Not Alone

2007-01-05T13:20:00.000-08:00

I love being able to be honest and not feel judged. I love being able to catch up with people to find out that I am not alone in my struggles. (It is a lie from Satan that we are alone in what we go through). It's a relief. And a gift to know this. And to have people on your side, fighting with you, rooting you on. I love my friends, my sisters.

I also am quite loving the fact that Canada just won the Juniors'. And that it snowed this morning. And how cute my dogs are when they play in the snow. Sigh, it has been a good couple of days.

Happy Happy Happy....

2007-01-01T00:38:00.000-08:00

New Year! I am back home. Arrived yesterday am. No sleep on the plane. After fighting off the need to sleep for 40 hours, I finally caved last night at 9 and slept for over 15 hours. Nice. I guess, there is no place like home (that I would rather not be). No, no, no, I am glad to be back, to see my family and friends, and be back in Canada. I haven't seen a winter here in 2 years, and when the plane was landing, I looked out the window and my breath was really taken away. Those mountains...seriously, I was in awe. Tonight my jet lagged bottom has opted out of "going out" and instead is across the street at my neighbours' for fondue and drinks. Is it sad to spend a New Year's shaking it to Queen with your 11 year old neighbour (former babysitee) and her friend, only to follow it with watching your intoxicated parents dance to ACDC? I will let you decide. And I will wear a big "L" on my forhead proudly if you say yes. Which I would say if I were you. Uh oh, I think they are leaving for another nieghbours' party now. Time to be sociable. Haha. Happy New Year All.

Exhale (Thank you Lord, Thank You)

2006-12-21T16:14:00.000-08:00

I have been holding my breath for a month. I get a phone call from my parents when I was living in England. The mammogram is abnormal. Another phone call when I arrive in Melbourne. There is at least a 40% chance of cancer. All I have is doubt. It's back, I think. How will she get through a third time....especially with how weak she is with all the other crap going on? I try to not live in denial, but it's the easiset way to cope, especially over here. My devotions with God, already few and far between, become more of an effort. I am angry with Him, disappointed. Tired of persisting in prayer. I go through cycles of surrender ("Come what may, I will follow and I trust your plans") and rebellion ("I don't know how I can continue walking with you if it is back").

My mom has the big house all to herself. She slept alone last night. She must have had such a restless sleep, if any sleep. Dreading a third phone call, I keep busy in a different hemisphere. Computer, reading, company, sights-seeing. The call comes this morning. She was happy, her voice more lively and animated than I have heard in ages. Sarah, guess what? There is NO cancer. Not even a pre-cancerous cell. None. Tears of joy. I let the wall come down and gave myself permission to be emotional. Praise God. I know I would eventually have come to the same utterance no matter what happened. Not because my faith is strong but because His grace is. Still, I feel like this is such a gift from Him. The best Christmas gift since Christ Himself. I can breathe again.

Today and Sometimes

2006-12-19T23:41:00.000-08:00

I feel it's hard to overcome the inertia to do something...anything...productive. I feel like I have become so bad at listening that people talk talk to me anymore. I feel like I have too high expectations of others sometimes...of course disappointment follows. I feel like I am stationary while the world just passes me by. I feel like people are always waiting for me. Like now. Gotta go.

In Byron

2006-12-15T21:52:00.000-08:00

Ahh, Byron Bay. One more day left. I am having a great time. The people here are super friendly, and the beaches are amazing. The surfing is only alright at this time of year...I have been struggling a bit with the board I rented and the beaches I have been choosing...and have bruises to show it. After being frusturated with the waves at one of the beaches, I headed to another where the experienced surfers go. I was just going to go on the small waves. They look smaller from further away though...I nearly drowned. It was scary. I had fun trying but got superly knocked around. Tomorrow I am heading to some more quiet waves. Haha. Good thing I am still alive. This morning I went kayaking and saw bottle nosed dolphins swimming! It was incredible. When I first arrived, I went to a small pot smoking hippie town called Nimbin....it was really strange...I felt like I was in a movie. But being offered weed every two minutes brought back fond memories of home. Okay, okay...Surrey isn't that bad. I was one of the very few on my bus tour that didn't accept though. How things have changed in 6 years. What else have I done here...I am tired and I can't seem to organize my thoughts well so I am just spilling them on here grocery-list style. I also went for a nice bike ride, up to some view points and pretty beaches to take pics. Can't wait to post them. The night life is pretty backpacker oriented, and I have had fun going out for a little while for a few time, especially because I really like the other people at the hostel here. I realize how lucky I am to speak English as a first language, as I see it is the only common language between all of us...Swedes, Germans, British, Danish, and Canadians. I know it gets tiring for some of the non native speakers to always think and talk in it with us. Anyways, Tracie and I had fun in Sydney, and our hostel was cool. Especially thanks to a the nicest, best looking hostel staff I have seen. Anyways, I plan on telling a bit more about Sydney and posting pics at some point. As usual, someone is waiting for the comp though and I must sign off.

The Big Day!!!

2006-12-04T04:06:00.000-08:00

Gwen was the most beautiful bride and we had such a great time. One of the best weddings ever! Fantastic!

More overdue pics...and this week's events

2006-12-01T00:02:00.000-08:00

I began this post with the intention of actually sharing my thoughts, but I have decided to keep it superficial and tell you more so what I've been up to, cuz I just don't have the energy. So...before I do, here are a few more pics from UK to see.

Never mind about that. Fudge, this is drivin me freekin mental, stupid uploading. I am giving up on posting pictures, it is taking a lifetime. Anyways, so, I know its' been time and then some more time since I said I would put up pics from Dublin and from my month in England. I did try to get most up, but there will be a few more.

It is the Friday before Gwen's big day and my sis and I are taking it easy. She (Tray) has had a rough rough few days. We went to Philip Island on Monday and stayed a couple nights. When we arrived we visited a wildlife park and got to feed kangaroos and wallabees, then we went to a beach and saw these Little Penguins march from the water to their burrows, a natural process that attracts hundreds of tourists. On Tuesday I finally got to go surfing. It was super frusturating at first, because I was on a bit of a smaller board. It still had a bit of a soft top, and the waves were nice, so that was good...but it took a while to get up. I was so stubborn and set on it though that I spent waaay too much time in the water. After a mini break I went back in again. We were on the beach from 9:30 until 5ish, and I was out of the water for an hour only. I got sunburned under my eyes! And my hands bled. Seriously. I have spent the past few days wearing bandaids on my palms. The salt water, the friction from the board...I dunno. My sis got it worse. She spent almost the whole day lying on the beach. She got burned to a crisp and sun stroke. Poor dear. Her hands and feet are actually swollen. We had to go to the doctor's. She is still recovering.

We are in Melbourne once again, and the city is beautiful. It is a lot like Vancouver, except that there are tons of these little alley ways that look a bit dodgy but if you go down them they have the best bars and restaurants, seemingly in the middle of nowhere. And it has better beached of course. After the wedding we'll do the Great Ocean road drive, and Jess (Gwen's maid of honour) and I are planning on surfing in Torquay on Monday or Tuesday. Next week Tracie and will go to Sydney and then I will take off myself for a week in Byron Bay, which I am stoked about. Overall, its been fun, but no matter where you are, as I wrote in an email to a friend today, there are ups and downs. You can't escape from your problems and difficulties even when you are on the other side of the world. It is nice to be in a slight bit of oblivion for now, though. When reality hits I reckon I will be hit hard.

On another note, Vancouver actually has snow right now. That is crazy! It began when it wasn't even December. I do love the snow, but I can't say I am complaining about wearing tanks and shorts.

Overdue Pictures

2006-11-30T23:39:00.000-08:00

Celtic Monastery

Cliffs of Moher

Cross Continental Travellers: friends from Oz, South Africa and Canada on Shamrocker tour

Western most point of Ireland. Really Gorgeous

View from Blarney Castle. I kissed the stone, but still, no eloquence.

Here are my Ireland pics...a few at least. More to come from Cambridge etc

Oz

2006-11-23T17:49:00.000-08:00

It is now the beginning of my second full day in Melbourne. The time to get here was looong. 9 hours to Korea, 10 more to Singapore, 10 hours in the Singapore airport (sure did sleep on the floor), the 7 more to Melbourne. I actually slept a lot on the way to Singapore and in the airport, so I was cranky but relatively awake when I arrived at Gwen's. I was so looking forward to seeing my best friend again after so many months. I was so happy to get away from home, too. I have no room right now. It is gutted because our house flooded with all the rain we have been having. My stuff is fine, nothing of my own was damaged. But packing was so frusturating. My things are strewn about in several closets and boxes throughout the house. And I was so tired from the flight home then prepping for another one. I wonder how Sidney Bristow deals with jet lag?

It is just heading into summer here so it isn't as hot as I expected. But it is still beautiful. Yesterday my sis and I went to the beach then walked around downtown last night. I dunno what is up for today. I am waiting for Gwen to return but I have no idea where she is. Maybe my sis and I will just take off again.

I am doing okay but there is a lot going on for me right now and things that are making me a lil upset. I don't want to talk about them, but if you pray for me, could you just pray for wisdom, kindness and gentleness??? That would be muchly appreciated. I still need to post Ireland and Cambridge pics. Sometime soon. Ciaos.

Lessons in Futility

2006-11-14T01:30:00.000-08:00

I am leaving, tears, tomorrow. I am going to miss it here so much...the people (Eleanor, work, and church), the countryside, the horses, the work. I had a little cry at work yesterday when I said goodbye to Peter, as he had to leave for a conference to be a lecturer. Sally and Peter have been like second parents. I don't consider myself much of an emotional person, but, sure was emotional yesterday. I went back into the clinic and was holding a horse while tears rolled down my face. I had to be excused to go to the loo.

I learned a lot while I was here. Lots about the history of the UK, horses, vet med, how to take British sarcasm, and lots of random stuff...but I think the most important lesson is that I am much weaker than I thought. Coming back from Asia, coming back from missions' work, you know you are faulted, but you feel like you have to be this super spiro person, and I got a bit spiritually prideful. But man, suck me away from church and ministry and Christian community and my flame dies out so quickly. I have learned the importance of the Body, for sure. I have not been carrying Christ in me as I had hoped I would. But God has humbled me and broke my heart a few times.

Later this afternoon I will go to London and meet with my cousin's girlfriend. She has kindly offered me a place to sleep for the night. I will arrive in Canada tomorrow afternoon, Vanncouver time. I miss my family and my friends, of course, but a big part of me feels settled here and doesn't want to leave. So, I leave this post with a plea from me to you...if you become extremely rich in the next couple of years, will you please prayerfully consider joining my team by paying for my veterinary tuition abroad? Oh, you think I am joking? I am dead serious. This is my serious face :|

PS. I do have more Ireland pics and some of here to post. And I saw the places in Cambridge where Watson and Crick discovered the DNA helical structure...and the pub where they announced it. I took pictures. I heart DNA. Hehhe.

Caffeinated

2006-10-30T14:02:00.000-08:00

I have been averaging 3-4 cups of tea a day and at least 1 coffee (more like 2). Just wanted to share. I had a ridiculously long train ride (it wasn't supposed to be...British transit grr) to visit the wonderful Eleanor in Linclonshire the other day, but had no muns on me. I ended up getting really frustrated in the train station bc all my trains were getting delayed or cancelled. I became so girlie and ridiculous that I even shed a few tears (hello overreacting Sarah). I was tired, hungry but also moody for some other reason. No, not that time of the month. Really.....jonesin for a coffee actually. I wonder if I am addcited to caffeine...?

Photos Part Two

2006-10-22T08:06:00.000-07:00

See Previous blog for more photos...I will post soon with the Republic of Ireland Pics

Me in Nessie hat with Aussie friends at Loch Ness
Edinburgh City Center...Such an amazingly pretty city
Me at Giant's Causeway in N. Ireland
Castle in Northern Ireland
Murals in Belfast

Photos Part One

2006-10-22T07:29:00.000-07:00

London: Parliament and the famous Big Ben
Newcastle: Quayside at night
Me at a castle in the highlands
Muddy bums after slidding down a hill in the highlands
Adorable Hairy Coo!
More Highlands

Feels like home

2006-10-18T12:31:00.000-07:00

Ahh, the country. I love it. I am now settled in a wonderful area next to Huntington, in Cambridgeshire (near to Cambridge). I live with the senior partner of the horse vet clinic I am doing work experience in, Peter, and his wife, Sally. They are really incredible people, and I feel very welcome and at ease. It is nice to be here only on my third night and be able to feel like I can be myself. I am grateful for their warmth and hospitality. Sally has been feeding me really well and has been gracios in providing for my pseudo-vegetarian needs.

I have been learning a lot in the past two days. I shadow the vets and the nurses at the clinic and on the road. So far I have seen a few ultrasound scans on legs (to look for tendon and ligament damage) and got to play around with the ultrasound machine, saw a really sweet horse get castrated (poor lil guy, hehe...that means neutered by the way, just in case you weren't sure), saw a few xrays and stuff. It hasn't particularly been too exciting in terms of the procedures, but the things I have been learning about horses has been great, especially because I was previously so ignorant. As I was in the car on the way to check up on a horse suture, I realized that I was smiling away. I was getting excited about vet med again. I could picture myself doing it. I could think of all the possibilities in the field. I was asking billions of questions and facinated by the science of it all. I really really wanna get into the U of S this year. I really do want to do this. And part of me can see myself coming to the UK after, at least for some time. I love it here.

Anyways, what have I been doing before this? I had a fun time in Dublin. I am facinated by the history of both Scotland and Ireland. It really sucks to see what a crappy job the "church" has done in the past though. Not to say that this was the real "church" of spirit-filled believers, but the church as a political unit, actually. It's embarassing and sad though. And its left scars. God has a lot of healing to do all over the world, and I see more in more how all people of all countries need to hear the Gospel.

Dublin is a cool place, and it is incredible to think that such a fantastic city was in such a state of welfare and need just a couple decades ago, if that. The three days I spent on the bus with the Shamrocker tour was super awesome, though it had a bit different feel than the Scotland one. I met some really fun peeps again though. I have to say that the easiest people to get along with seem to be Aussie guys and Canadian girls. The majority of time I have been here has been spent with such company.

The two most magical moments I had were up at the Dingle Penninsula, on the west coast of Ireland. There I dipped my feet into the freezing Atlantic ocean on this incredible beach (what followed was a huge wave that soaked the jeans I had on), and climbed a cliff to the most western point of Europe and some of the most incredible scenery I have ever had the blessing of seeing. Unfortunately I didn't meet the hot Irish guy of my dreams, tear. It was still good times though. Once again, I exhausted myself by going out and staying up way too late when I needed to get up early. I broke all my own rules..."I'll be back at the hostel by 10:30" turned into 1:30am, "back by 12" was twice beat out by 2:30 and 1...I am seriously an old woman now and I can't do this anymore, hehe. The result is that I am a lil sick and have a cold, but a nice comfy bed, gallons of tea, actual meals and rest already have made me feel better. Oh to be 18 again. Actually, 18 wasn't that great. Never mind.

Not intending to be offensive, I admit that, well, I can't say that I miss home much...am I terrible for feeling that way? I do miss my family and friends (and pets), but not in a way that pulls me back, though you know I love you:) These are long posts, aren't they? More laters though, I still have more to blab about. Until then, I wish you good times. I will try to put up a pic now, but if it fails, I will post a few pics next time. XOX

Ireland

2006-10-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

I am now in my last stop, the beautiful country of Ireland. I am in Dublin for three nights, on to a 3 day tour of the west of Ireland, then back to Dublin for one more night. Before this I was in Belfast. It was quite a chore to get there, as the ferry departure my bus was booked on didn't actually exist and we got shuttled to another one a few hours later. But I arrived and it worked out well. Especially the hostel. It was uber clean and in a good location. Cheap too. I felt relieved after two nights at Brodie's hostel in Edinburgh. Picture this: gross and dirty floor, 16 bed mixed dorm, with 4 showers for the whole floor, and two girls bathrooms. No hot water two days in a row. Hardcore party atmosphere (peeps comin in and out at 4am, turning lights on), heavy snoring, one guy who coughed and coughed all night, ugh.

Anyways, things seem to take much longer than I plan for, something I anticipate more in Asia than here. But yay, I am in Dublin and its not pooring rain. Belfast held up well, too. I saw the Giant's Causeway, which was absolutely amazing. Met a cool Aussie guy too, so it was nice not to be a loner and have some company. People waiting for internet, ugh. Okay, I will write more later. This Dublin hostel is amazing (though it should be, its expensive). It has gorgeous beds, free net, free full breakfast, is super clean, small. I love it. Off to buy groceries and take out some euros!

*****

Okay, I am back and taking more advantage of the free internet here. Especially because it is 7pm and I am not sure what else to do. I still am going to take some time to plan the next couple of days, but I am not sure what to do tonight. I stayed in the past couple, and I think I will just wander the streets and look around. I hope to meet some people tomorrow so I can hang out with someone. Travelling alone is really awesome in that I can do what I want and get up when I want and things take less time (well, ok things are just on my time). And during the day its good...doing a tour is usually awesome cuz you meet people...but arriving in a new city is lonely in the evenings.

One thing I am finding funny is connections to people I meet, or seeing someone I know from Canada in another part of the world. When I went to this Literary Pub tour in Edinnburgh, I was talking to someone about vet school in Saskachewan, and one person was from Saskatoon, one person's son went to UBC and two people were vets. It also turned out that this couple with the UBC son also have a son in Edinburgh...and I met his best friend in another city in the Highlands because we both did Haggis tours and our paths cross. So weird. Then, two Canadian grils on my Haggis tour were talking about this Canadian girl who annoyed their last tour driver becuase she kept talking and talking. It sounded like a girl I met in London in my hostel room...and it turns out it was! And the two Candian girls were staying next door to my room in London. Then I run into this same, um, try to be nice Sarah..."talkative" girl as I walked to my bus in Edinburgh on the way to Belfast. Sooooo crazy. And the Aussie guy I met on the Giants' causeway tour stayed at the same Brodie's hostel for a long time before and new a bunch of people there. He overheard me saying how dirty it was to someone else. It's weird how these degrees of separation work.

Scotland

2006-10-07T15:23:00.000-07:00

My last night in Scotland. It's finally a quiet nite. Exhausted, a little on the poor side, having completely enough of pubs and not wanting to see another beer for a few days at least, I searched the streets of Edinburgh for some cafe open past 8pm. Sadly, I walked around for an hour before I found one. But...I found one and finally got some devo time in. I was so thirsty, physically as well as metaphorically. Anyways, I won't give all the details yet, but I had a completely awesome time the past few days on a Haggis Bus tour around the Isle of Skye. It was incredible....the Highlands are beautiful and it was so awesomely rich in history. I met awesome people too. Definitely a good time. But I'm wiped.
A bit of UK terminology that makes me smile cuz they laugh at me when I talk "American" (you may have heard it before):
To let=To rent
Give Way=Yield (thats whats written on yield signs)
Way Out=exit (there are no exit signs, just way out ones)
Loo or toilets=washroom
Cheers=thanks
Mobile=cell phone
Quid=equivalent of "bucks"
There's more but I forget.
Scottish Terminology that I can remember off hand:
Isle=island
loch=lake
glen=valley
coo=cow
ben=mountain
laird=kind of like lord (eg land lord)
Hmm, I forget the rest for now. Yeah, by the way, sure did go for a dip in Loch Ness at midnight on Thursday. Also ran full speed down a muddy hill and fell. I petted a hairy coo. And I dipped my face in a river that is upposed to give me eternal beauty. Off to Belfast in the am so bedtime. Nites

Loving the UK

2006-10-01T07:06:00.000-07:00

I am in love...with England. Especially London. It was brilliant. I now have, finally, some quiet time away from the business of that city, and a computer I can write on for a while. I am currently in Newcastle, visiting by good friend Eleanor, who is at a baby Christening right now. I did so much this past week! Here it goes:

I arrived on Monday, after a pretty pleasant plane ride and a nice next door neighbour for the journey (always a bonus when traveling alone). I was definitely intimidated by the Underground system, but after meeting helpful people I made my way to the hostel. It was a busy four days in London, and I managed to do a ton. The first day I saw Tower Bridge, Tower of London, St. Paul's Cathedral (awesome), Tate Modern (I discovered I am definitely more of a classic art appreciator versus abstract/modern), and caught a show at Shakespeare Globe Theatre. I prayed really hard that God would provide someone to tour around with, and he did, a cool Aussie girl who I got completely lost from at the Tate. Wednesday started out rough, figuring out train/coach tickets up north was disappointing (I returned an hour after a train ticket quote to find out that cheap tickets were sold out). I got lost trying to find Temple Church and my feet killed. After being grumpy, I finally had an "I heart London," warm fuzzy moment when I went to the National Gallery and Trafalgar Square after lunch. After wandering around SOHO to Piccadilly Circus, I had a rest at the hostel and went out for the night with an American girl who was staying at the same place. Went Brazilian dancing, hehe, then to another place because we had free tickets. That was "interesting" and "eventful." But anyways...

Okay, so, Thursday then. This was a pretty cool day, starting out with the Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace (a spectacle to say the least). Oh my goodness, the band actually busted out in an ABBA tribute. Picture these proper guards marching to the tune of Dancing Queen. I had to pinch myself. After this was one of the highlights of my time so far: a tour of Westminster Abbey and an incredibly informative walk through of the Parliament. I ate fish and chips to finish off the day, and spent the evening chilling at the hostel, recovering from aching feet. The Friday coach ride up to Newcastle was frustrating. 7 hours turned into nine and a half. The only break came 6 and a half hours into the trip! I witnessed a great spectacle of nose-picking from the dude a seat up, and the bus smelt like a hospital cafeteria. I think that I would rather have been back on a bus in Asia, actually. Enough complaining (complaining puts you in the wilderness).

Newcastle is pretty and full of students. Staying with Eleanor and her housemates has been fantastic, firstly for the company, but with the bonus of proper dinners (not sandwiches at erratic times of day), a clean shower, and doing my laundry! Last night we saw the African Children's Choir perform (it was all I could do not to try and kidnap one of them, they were adorable) and today (Sunday) started out with Church service and barbecue (her Church is fantastic). I was really challenged by the message today and feel like I need a few days to process anything before sharing those thoughts. This post is already insanely long as it is, anyways.

One more thing though. Its pretty cliche, but honestly, I feel like this journey is not just one I am taking physically, but spiritually and emotionally. I am praying that, as I experience life in other parts of the world, God inspires me, and fires me up again. I am glad I am here. I am feeling more alive than I have been in the past little while, despite a couple foolish choices I have made here already. I am also glad to be alone for the travel part of it, as it forces more communication with God, as well as with strangers. I plan to post again in a few days about Edinburgh. Till then, cheers.

Little Alive Moments

2006-09-23T16:22:00.000-07:00

You know how sometimes the world just feels like everything's "all as it should be?" You get inspired or reflective and just sit there smiling. It doesn't even mean that you're happy, and something awful could even be going on, but you just feel alive. Things make sense. It happens less for me now than it used to. The recipe for me usually includes a sunny day or a very rainy one, looking out a window or being outside alone, and good music. I had a few of these moments this week. The first was running my butt of in the rain at 10pm on Wednesday night. The second was today. My mp3 was on random but it just kept hitting these awesome songs. I had a window seat on the skytrain, the sun was so nice, and my thoughts were quieter than they have been. I had this overwhelming sense that everything is going to be okay. God becomes more real to me. Tangible. Present.

To be honest, and I have been trying to deny it, I have been feeling down lately. Not really depressed in a sad way, but still struggling with that apathetic kind of feeling, which is very little feeling at all. I have been shutting myself off from getting upset, and not giving myself permission to be angry and disappointed. This means I don't feel happy when I think I should either. God's been doing His thing through all this though, and we are "working things out." The root? Hard to say...my mom's illness? Transitioning back from Asia? Hormonal imbalances, hehe? Or this "quarter life crisis" idea that was brought up at lunch today? I feel like I was so comfortable as a student. It was my identity for so long. Even in Asia, I still studied, and I knew what I was going to be doing in the next few months to come. Things are more uncertain now. Sure I am applying for veterinary school and I really really hope to be accepted and then I will be a student again...but many people take a few shots at applying before acceptance. So, there still is uncertainty in it. Uncertainty if at this time next year I will be in Saskatoon. Uncertainty if I will ever get in. These next steps, they are confusing. It makes you start asking yourself big life questions all over again, and gently guides you into God's arms. God, the Author and Creator, and the Answer. Surrender is hard. But it is good and it is necessary, as hard things are.

In other random news, my hair is really dark now. Less random is that I leave tomorrow night for my travels. Wow, time flew. And I need a nap and to pack and to spend time with fam. Aka, bye for now.

Laughing

2006-09-20T20:50:00.000-07:00

Isn't it funny that we love to laugh, and when we get tickled we laugh, but we hate getting tickled? My sister and I seriously had a long conversation about this last night. Maybe we were lacking sleep. It seemed more profound then, but it still seems a bit funny now---we yell, hit at people, and beg people who are tickling us to stop, all while laughing heaps. Am I crazy for taking the time to think about this?

A bit sheepish

2006-09-17T01:23:00.000-07:00

You know when you write something you don't really mean in the way it appears and it hurts someone in the way you didn't intend? I think I did that. I was silly enough not to realize it until I was driving home from a looong day (I'm on my second wind...or is this the 4th?) and it just dawned on me. And I am sorry. You know who you are, and I emailed you it, and I should actually call you and appologise. But I admit it a lil more publically here. Baaaaa.

On another note, I haven't been in a wedding party before yet I helped to coordinate one today (the ceremony part). It was fun, but man, getting married is complicated. I forgot to light the candles. All ceremony long I was kicking myself. I still am a bit choked. Baaaa again. But not as much baaa as the first.

Hey Dudes

2006-09-10T17:36:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to post that there is....yay!...no cancer found at all for me mutha. Still unsure what is up, but leaning towards malabsorption disorder. Still sick. But cancer is a scary thing, so praise God about that. Thanks for the prayers:) I will write soon. I think I will set up a separate blog attached to this one for travelling, to write about my adventures while I am away, instead of always emailing people. 2 weeks more and I am off!

Answers just lead to more questions

2006-08-29T22:27:00.000-07:00

My mom is recovering okay and is still at the hospital. (She had surgery yesterday). Today the doctors says that they found nothing . Nothing. All that...the pain, the stress, the worry, the physical difficulty of the body handling its third surgery this year...for nothing. Yes, it is good and bad. Good because no tumour was hiding there. Bad because (ahh, scream) NOTHING IS BEING FOUND! No answers still. And it seems like she is just wasting away still. More tests, they will do more tests as they keep her in the hospital this week. She says she is losing faith. I understand. I don't know what to do anymore. I am making the decision to continue trusting God, but I am disappointed. I KNOW He is carrying us but I feel more like my family is being dragged than carried. His grace is sufficient and to live is Christ, to die is gain...but its hard. My heart and my mind are on different wavelengths. Lord, give me the faith of Job...who am I to question you? You made this whole earth? You bled and died for us. Blessed be Your Name. And argh, I just can't seem to be emotional about any of this. I'm "good"...I'm "okay"...I'm kinda numb and apathetic. I have been struggling with apathy for so long. It blankets itself across my whole life. I long to be joyful, and I wait...trusting that He will provide.

Fun times

2006-08-17T17:36:00.000-07:00

I am back in Vancouver! I had an awesome time in Ontario. To my amazing friends that I didn't get a chance to see, I am sorry. I was visiting my high school buddies, said hi and goodbye to this years' new Asia Stint team, then off to family's for a couple nights. It was packed. I liked Toronto...lots to do (though a little expensive), good places to eat, better night life than here (not that I really go out much anyways, but it was fun). Saw CN tower, U of T, ROM, Taste of the Danforth (spelling???), Bata Shoe Museum (weird I know), Casa Loma (from the outside), Wakestock (wakeboarding, Sloan, Pilate, the Trews). And saw my good friends who I realize more now that I have missed. It's hard to grow up and part ways and life styles. I always thought I would be inseperable from so many high school friends. One thing is for SURE....INTENTIONALITY is key. I learned that this year from being away. I can't just expect others to make the effort. I have been blessed a lot by good friends who've done their part to keep in touch and gave me grace when I failed to do mine. My family (mom's bro and his wife) spoiled me in Ottawa, too. Saw parliament, took a boat tour, ate great food...

For those who have no idea what's going on in my life, I am back from a year in Asia with Stint, and now I focus my plans on getting into vet school next year. In the meantime, I will go to the UK to travel in Ireland and work in England for a horse vet, then off to Oz for my bestie's wedding (and to explore the East coast a bit while I am there). My travels commence Sept 24th and I'll be back for New Years'. Workin a couple weeks end of August and trying somehow to do something to make money in Sept (catering jobs? extra work?). Anyways, Lyn, thanks for your response, and Gwen for your urging...I am motivated to keep this baby up again.

PS Need some new worship songs...any recommendations? From being away, I feel outta the loop on music here, and the radio can only do so much.

PPS In other music news, really liking Damian Rice right now

Anyone Still Read This?

2006-08-13T00:09:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been back for some time now. Currently its 3am. Eastern time. I am tired. And I want to go on and on about stuff. Toronto has a LOT of unbelievably good looking guys. Went to Wakestock. Then out for the nite. Dancing is good times. But I am not gonna blab now. I think I will watch an episode of Grey's Anatomy instead. I will blab soon, but does anyone even check this anymore? Man, so much stuff is going on.

BLESSED

2005-08-15T09:49:00.000-07:00

Well, I officially start my one year Stint this afternoon. I don't have much time to write but wanted to say THANK YOU to all my friends and family for making these last few weeks so special...from notes and cards and calls to birthday cakes and dumplings on the beach to small and thoughtful gifts to dinners out to the JJ concert. My friends make me feel truly loved and I know I have been deeply blessed by having them in my life. I wish I could say bye individually but it just can't happen. A year will pass fast. I will miss you all and love you lots. God bless.

I am gonna miss this place

2005-07-24T00:53:00.000-07:00

I'm TIRED but I thought I would write a bit....updates are good.

Last Tues: My last day of work. After I came home I packed and had a very sad experience. I decided to go through my clothes in my closet, organize a bit. I do this often, I'm always tossing (well giving) away stuff I haven't worn for a while. It took a lot of courage, but I finally, with an unwillingly open hand, let go of two of my favorite skirts, great jeans, and (once) comfy cords...if I can't squeeze into them now, I never will. It was kind of sad, realizing I'll never be pre-UBC again. I'm not unhappy about myself...but I really liked some of those old clothes. Okay, this is so far a shallow post.

Wed-Sat am: I went to visit my aunts and cousins in Powell River and then my aunt and uncle in Sechelt. It hit me....I love BC. No matter where my travels or work or ministry may take me, I will always want to settle back here. Where else can you snowboard in the winter then drive to the beach? Where can you surf in one direction, and be in an awesome dry wine country in the next, with in a few hours? I love it. And being out of the mainland was amazing. This city girl is longing for a place where the stars aren't overcome by street lights and people don't lock their doors.

Sat: Almost missed the ferry I needed to catch to be at Ry and Jaz's wedding (more info about them see http://www.ryanlawrence.ca/blog/theryjazzdigest/). It was very beautiful! Congrats! Of course, all the girls started talking about what our dream weddings were. I have lots of ideas to share...maybe in the next post. But lemme tell you....I ducked when the bouquet (is that how it is spelt?) was thrown. I didn't want to catch that thing. I was in good company though...thanks Noelle. Oh, but once the wedding comes....the wheels are turning. I'll share later. It is bed time.

God overprovides for His children

2005-07-14T17:56:00.000-07:00

I am past 100% of my fundraising. How good is God? This 100% is still with faith that people who pledged will still follow through, but I am so stoked (and relieved). I can use the extra for prescriptions, doctor's prep, etc before going though. It is so like God to give me more than needed. After all, He's the one who not only gave us salvation (wiped our "sin" plate clean) but He also gave us the Holy Spirit (then gave us dessert!), neither deserved.

Anyways...other than that, life's been life. Still trying to cope with certain family things. Work is fun when people yell at you (or your managers) and when one sale takes 40 minutes to process at the register. I'm kinda sad to leave though. Sad b/c I'll be flat broke for a month and also because the people I work with are nice, though I don't know them that well. The same guy that I thought looked down on me for being a technological handicap and complete ditz at work when I began actually said that he would lock me in the store to prevent me from quitting. I guess they think I'm okay too:)

Thanks for an awesome time on Tues Gwen and Jess. I haven't laughed so hard in a long long time.

Procrastination

2005-07-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

So I have a lot to do. Cards to write, Stint prep, cleaning and organizing, follow up calls, etc etc etc. But what am I doing? Googling my name. Wow, I can actually be found on the internet more than I imagined. I remember doing this a few years back and only coming across some Australian Jewellery designer with the same name. Now there's actually some hits on "me" me. Does this mean I am moving up in the world (jk....kind of)?

PS HAPPY (21st hehe) BIRTHDAY GWENDOLYNN FAIRY PRINCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Praise God!!

2005-07-05T23:48:00.000-07:00

It is just over a month before I am gone and as the days come, I am more and more excited. I just found out where I am and who my team is. Yay! I am excited, I know some of them and the place we are going to sounds amazing. I am also at....drumroll....96%!!!!! SO close. God is AWESOME.

Funnest of funs

2005-06-28T00:24:00.000-07:00

I am in love.........with surfing. I went for the first time this weekend and it was AWESOME. I want to go every day. I had a BLAST this weekend with my best friend in Tofino (thanks Gwen!). Surfing, whale watching, and eating so much amazing food....I am reminded why BC is so fabulous. I am so proud of living in this province!

SCREAM

2005-06-18T00:56:00.000-07:00

I am angry and I'm not going to lie. I am tired of seeing her sick. I am so helpless. And I try and try and beg and plead and pray so hard and look for open doors to share with her. I look for spiritual depth but only come across shallowness....why why why? And what what what? What is there to be learned from this. I tell her what I think God is trying to teach her. But it is sometimes like talking to a wall. She has tried so hard these years to survive on her own and use her own strength. Now her own strength is failing her. I wish more than anything in the whole wide world for the rest of my life that she would see Him. God please take the blinders off. I can't go to Asia with her in this state. God...I am trusting you with her. Please pray that He will do everything in His power to reveal Himself to her. It makes me want to scream. I have no other option but to pray and trust.

He

2005-05-24T23:14:00.000-07:00

He who quiets my madness as the threads of anger and instability unravel in abstract patterns about my feet. He who whispers comforts as night voices haunt my peace in the darkness of my sleep. He who upholds my head as I fear to meet His eye, yet lowers it when the ignorant pride of my youth weighs heavy on my soul. It is He who I can't run from, He from whom I cannot hide, and He whose heart breaks as I try for the latter. I will serve Him all my days.

Sunshiny Florida etc etc

2005-05-17T00:37:00.000-07:00

Has it not been since forever that I posted? Wow. I'm so neglectful. Lots has happened too. First of all, I wrote my very last UBC exam on April 25th. It was so strange after doing so. The campus looked so different as a part of me, the student part, began to slowly slip away. I was too tired and relieved to be either emotional, sentimental, or excited at the time. It had been a rough semester regarding motivation. I feel like I had done less work than ever before yet in God's grace I also had the most academically successful year of my degree. So now, I have a BSc in microbi under my belt. But don't quiz me, I have already forgotton 70% of what I have learned.
I was on Florida for vacation with my family for two weeks. We got back a week ago. It was, um, fun. It was challenging and sometimes stretching as well. I love my family, but you know how family vacations are. There was tension, especially because the package deal we had been told about over the phone and seen on video were quite different from the real life version. I can't even begin to count the number of disgruntled people we met that had the same package and were more than ffrusturated. I won't go into details, and for the most part, we made the best and it all worked out, but please please never do a Ramada package deal. I was humbled by the experience however. Okay, not to complain too much, it was overall good, especially for my sis and I, who got along really well. We were in Ft Lauderdale on the beach for 5 days, then we took a 3 day 2 nite cruise to the Bahamas. This was definitely the highlight. I could have gotten used to being wined and dined like that....and the beach we went to, the Blue Lagoon (Splash, Rtn to Blue Lagoon, and Gilligan's Island filmed here), was amazing. My mom swam with dolphins, her life dream, and it was just gorgeous. Then back to Orlando for Disney World and Universal studios. Please never go to Epcot center for Dis Wld unless you are or want to be on a field trip. Orlando was an expensive place. But it was good times.
Now I am back to the real world at home where work and fundraising and cleaning my messy basement take up my minutes. I am excited to get back to planning for the Orient though, and happy to see friends again. I am especially glad to get back to Church and Sunday school there. And back to Bubble tea and decent sushi! Anyways, time for bed. I wonder if anyone will read this or if they will just have given up on me. I need to read all your guys' blogs soon. Its been such a while.....

Woo-hoo

2005-03-31T22:44:00.000-08:00

Why woo-hoo
1. One more week of school left
2. I am unofficially at 52% of my fundraising
3. I'll be in Florida in less than a month
4. The Projects Coffeehouse fundraiser was awesome
5. My mom says that she has began to start praying every night
6. I'm almost graduated
7. God is good and cares for me

Trust

2005-03-15T22:10:00.001-08:00

my trust is in God not PEOPLE
my trust is in God NOT people
my trust is in GOD not people
something i've been meditating over
amen

Starfield

2005-03-03T00:36:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness, I went into Abbotsford today to see Starfield and they were so good. I really really needed a break from school and work and support raising just to have fun....and it was so much fun. Tiff took an awesome pic of us doing an Asian pose with them (the band)...I'll try to post it if I can when I get it. I am really sorry you had to miss it Linds! We missed you there:) My sis and I were talking on the way home about the band...mostly about how one of the guys was married and the other two engaged. Then a fear kind of hit me (well hit us both...): all the good, attractive, funny, intelligent, God-centered guys appear to be taken. Now, I am not saying that none of my guy friends who are single don't fit these qualities right now, you are fantastic...its not true that ALL of them are snatched up, but most are....or I think most will be soon. This is okay at this time of my life, but I figured that when the time comes that God prepares me (finally) for marraige (well, if that day comes [hopefully]): Will there be anyone left? I just have a hard time thinking that a guy that I would want to spend my life with will not have been taken by someone else and it makes me want to rush a bit more to secure this from happening. I know this is a really worldly viewpoint, but my human nature is in total fear of this coming true. All in God's timing. Sure sure. But watching Sex in the City reruns battle to convince me otherwise.

Sunny Days and Sunny Feelings

2005-02-25T21:42:00.000-08:00

Yay, Vancouver has been so nice! It has been amazing weather and God has been so awesome these couple weeks. I had a minor freak out during reading week. I really haven't been focusing on school and been really awful about time management...I really need to be more focused...it's hard during the last year, grr. But God, under His amazing grace helped me get through a very stressful week. Things are picking up slowly for Stint and I am just so amazed by how much God has been teaching me. Especially in digging in to His Word. I realize that I read so much without taking it in. Now I am rereading and focusing on the first chapters of Isaiah that I seemed to skim over before and really am learning so much from it now. I keep praying as I read and asking "What does this say about God's character and plan...?" What a difference. I am ashamed of how little I know about scripture. It's time to change. This weekend I am also stepping into a new ministry area that I'm excited about....Sunday school @ Church! Anyways, I should go. Eeek, gottta go pick up my sis from Youth Group. Yeah, Youth Group!, yay God for working in her life. Better update later.

Cough cough cough

2005-02-08T22:00:00.000-08:00

Ick, I am sick and I really need rest...but when? It feels that I pretty much am constantly going going going sometime. I know I know, I complain about this all the time and I muct sound really whiny. Business is a choice, and I choose to be busy. I choose to take things on and I love it. But when I really need some down time its hard to say no. But anyways, ok, no more whininess.
So, my support raising for Stint has began and I am SO grateful to Jackie for being such an encouragement the other day. She helped me more with my game plan and is going to be my support buddy...and I hers, as she is support raising for joining Crusade staff. SOOOO greatly appreciated. I'm excited once again to know God will bring in the finances I need, cuz ALL things in heaven and earth belong to Him.
I went to Alpha again tonight with my mom and sister. It is so exciting to see so many people seeking and searching for answers. In the discussion, I got a glimpse more of where my mom is at. She is defintely on a journey....Though I know we all are, I don't always see that with her. Sometimes God seems to work so slow that it scares me. Sometimes I just hurt so bad for her, I just want her to know so badly how much God loves her and recognize the hole she has without Him. But she makes it very very clear that, above all, she fears being pushed, so discernment is key. Baby steps. I'm so happy that she is opening up though.
One more thing just before I leave, just in case I don't write before I leave for Cru retreat this weekend....my friend Lindsay is getting baptised!!! Linds, I know you read this and I want to say congrats. I'm excited for you and, well, yeah, just wanted to say that this is awesome.
I can't think straight anymore. Tylenol Cold is playing with my mind and making me sleepy. Hopeflly I didnt mak two manie spelling mistacks.

EEK

2005-02-03T22:23:00.000-08:00

Oh eek. Trust trust trust. And so, fundraising for my upcoming Missions trip to East Asia begins. God is already reminding me to rely on Him to calm my heart, my fears, my doubts. Am I doing the right thing? Am I making the right decision? Emotional rollercoaster.

Mini Update

2005-01-23T14:13:00.000-08:00

Wow, okay, haven't really written in a while. So, what's new with me? Actually I feel like I am in a bit of a rut. I know I'll get out of it but I just feel a bit blah. It's like my life has been pretty fast paced the last while, and many things have been going on but now I just feel a bit slowed down and not very excited about anything. A big warning sign that I am ignoring some sin in my life is when I am too busy looking forward to things, and relying on those things to sanely get me through until then. Right now, I am looking forward to reading break, especially the CCC retreat that will happen. Then looking fwd to going to Florida as I graduate (family vacation). But what about the here and now?
Okay, I just haven't been feeling much joy or excitement at this time. First of all, I know that I don't need feelings to get me through anything, good or bad. The Word of God stands as truth and I put my faith in that overall. He can be trusted, He loves me, my salvation is assured, whether or not I "feel" like it is. But I know that often when I don't feel these things, I am not being obedient in some way. Lately, God has revealed what these things are. One of them is just loving and having patience with certain people that I find difficult to love. That's all about me surrendering this to Him. The other is about keeping the Sabbath. I like getting work done on Sundays. It's just so inconvenient to think about letting this valuable time go. And I know it doesn't even have to be Sunday, I really just need to give more time to Him in general, and create a part of my week to spend time with Him....and by spending time I don't mean planning ministry stuff or Bible Study prep or support raising strategies for when I go to the Orient. I mean focusing on God, and God's character. I also need to rest more regularly, not just feel like I have to be a busybody all the time.
So anyways, that's the more internal stuff going on in my life....as for what's just going on in general.....well, I just got a job at Staples, just a couple shifts a week, which is great. My classes are pretty boring (Micb lab, Marine Micb, Micb growth....I know, ick!....as well as a psych class [cool stuff, boring prof] and Medical terminology class [Classical studies]). Um, I have been working out and feel awesome about that! And, oh yeah, praise God cuz my mom is going to Alpha (a kind of seeker friendly, intro to Christianity course). That is really really big for her! That's pretty much it. Anyways, gotta write a lab report now (so procrastinating!)
God bless:)

Happy bday Timmy!

2005-01-14T23:43:00.000-08:00

You're awesome. Have a great birthday cuz you deserve it!

New Year's Resolutions

2005-01-09T13:52:00.000-08:00

1. Wake up and go to bed Christ-centered. Fall deeper in love with Him. Prioritise my devos.
2. Make more time for my friendships. Focus on the people that I want to get closer to.
3. Be a person of my word. Show up on time, return calls, and act on the things I say I will do.
4. Work out 3X a week. Focus more on the health aspect of exercise and not just on the body/weight part.
5. Drink more water, eat more veggies, and cut out white bread, pasta and rice. Whole grains baby!
6. Only eat wild fish, not farmed.
7. Try hard to cut out non free range or non organic eggs and dairy.
8. Give blood more regularly.
9. Go sharing once a week out of joy not a sense of duty.
10. Be more patient with my family.

fallen world

2005-01-06T13:54:00.000-08:00

i cried really hard the other day. this world makes me so mad. how come i can't turn the page of a magazine without seeing a fur advertisement or some celebrity wearing fur? it's so cruel and useless. why does caring follow trends? it's not trendy to care about the welfare of animals right now....it's "cooler" for those in the spotlight to focus on the war or AIDS. i'm not saying these don't require attention......i am just saying that caring, sadly, follows trends. please don't live your life in oblivion. the way we treat creation is disgusting.

Do the years just keep passing faster and faster?

2005-01-02T23:58:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR! This will not be a long blog even though tis much overdue. Got home from Winter Conference this morning (22hr bus ride...with much cannibalism conversation...don't ask) and didn't get sufficient sleep. It was a great conference this yr though. It's really sad...it is probably the last one I'll go to. It was really small, but good relationally. I went through some ups and downs re my Stinting decisions....feeling that there's a lot of spiritual battle going on inside me. I go through periods of doubting myself and God to highs of trust, excitement and dependence. I put in the application. This conference really made me aware of how much I value international ministry. I want to go to so many places and tell so many people. Oh yeah, guess what, so exciting, we did an afternoon of evangelistic outreach and I was able to see someone come to Christ! I am so excited for our new sister! Yay God! It was so cool. But anyways, I have a lot to do tomorrow and should get some sleep. Is it wrong to just want to sit and watch Seinfeld reruns for a week straight instead of doing anything productive??? Oh yeah, did you hear the universe altering news? Barbie and Ken broke up.

PS Does anyone know how I can put up links to my friends web sites (blog and xanga) on here?

REST....at last!

2004-12-21T23:31:00.000-08:00

I am done finals for this semester! Yaaaaayyyy! ((Dancing and bunny hopping....thank You God, thank YOU for carrying me thru)). It has been a pretty fun week and a half or so though. I got to go to Van Dusen Gardens for the Festival of Lights twice and it was amazingly beautiful....went for a massage and facial on Sat (I know, rough life).....church young adults dinner (yay! finally got to meet and know some people)....and a friend's party and Bubble tea! So, even though this exam season has been drawn out, it has been fun to sneak in some good times lately.

I feel really crappy about not being all Christmas-y though....there are so many things I wish I had a chance to have done, especially get some Christmas cards out. I also wanted to make this a really special Christmas because it will probably be the last one I spend in Vancouver for the next two years due to Stinting and travelling. It will be difficult next year to be in a place without lights and carols and celebration. When I think about it, it makes me really sad. I will miss my friends and family so much as well.

Even so, I also know that being away will have its perks. I am looking forward to discovering a deeper meaning to Christmas, and really celebrating it by spending more time in worship to God for the most beautiful gift ever given to us: our source of salvation. I know that the lights and songs and gifts can actually be a way of glorifying Him, but I am definitely guilty of letting them blind me from truly coming before God and thanking Him for the birth of Christ. When I am away I have a feeling that the lyrics to the songs, the symbolism of the lights etc etc will take on more meaning than ever. Yet for now, I pray that I don't get deceived by thinking that I have to go away for this enlightenment. I pray that I can grasp and wrap my soul around the heart of Christmas this year instead of relying on the future to draw me closer to Him. This, I am aware, can be accomplished partially through an act of my will, and largely by succumbing to His grace.

"The hopes and fears of all the years are met in Thee tonight. Amen."

More then half way there....

2004-12-12T15:12:00.000-08:00

4 down...1 and 1 paper to go. Mini breaks throughout this week allow me to attempt to get into the Christmas spirit. Yay! I love Vancouver Christmas stuff...Stanley Park, Carol ships, etc. I am just hoping the awful awful rain will stay far far away. Yeah, so exams....not so good. Yuk. Probably worst set so far. Oh well, almost done. I got grad photos today! Yay! I am all growed up. Good luck to those still writing exams.....keep perservering guys but remember not to labour in vain.....And to my wonderful friends out of school, I look forward to joining you in the non exam world this time next year (let's all point and laugh then!).

Happy Birthday Jon!!!!!

2004-12-01T01:36:00.000-08:00

That's all I wanted to say! Call/email when your back in Vancouver!

Exam Cram a Lam a Ding Dong

2004-11-25T16:56:00.000-08:00

So busy with exam stuff right now, so probably not gonna write much for the next bit (or maybe I will write a lot in procrastination!). God has been so awesome these last few days though, been having some meaningful devos. Really loving the Young Adults Bible study girls from my new church too. They are really nice. Haven't been sleeping well though, boo. Just to officially announce it....I am applying for a STINT in the Orient. For those unaware of what this is, it is a year in an Asian country as an intern for Campus Crusade. If you guys could all be praying for me as I apply and also thinking about ways you may like to be involved in helping to send me. If anyone has any contacts that may be interested in being involved and have a heart for the Orient, or even groups or churches or organiztions you think may be interested, then please be praying about the possibility of passing those contacts along to me. It would mean a lot cuz I am freaked out about having to support raise a years salary and also really want a huge prayer team backing me up. I will be putting together a prayer letter in the next few weeks just to inform people of what I am up to, then will deal with the support side of things in the new year. Thanks! Oh and HAPPY ALMOST BIRTHDAY TIFFY!

So what....I am (cringe) single

2004-11-07T23:32:00.000-08:00

Okay, okay. I am getting really tired of the emphasis people place on dating relationships, like they are the only thing that matters. Its like, people have to explain why they are single. You can't just be like "Yeah, I am single," then smile. There is always that pause before you say the big "S" word. Like you have to apologize. Or like you have to be prepared for sympathy from some people. Actually, that is not necessarily true....It is more like being single is alright because people think it is circumstantial. But if you choose not to actively pursue relationships, then something is wrong (are they crazy? overly independent? gay? prudish?). When I told my hairdresser the other day that I wasn't "seeing anybody" she said, "Oh, that is okay, you are so busy in school...yadayada." Isn't it okay even if I wasn't busy or in school? What happens if I stop and still don't want a relationship?

It is amazing to have some wise and loving people in my life to give me more perspective on this issue and make me realize I am not alone in my struggles. My lack of experience in the relationships department is actually a huge part of the reason I first surrendered to God. I thought there was something wrong with me for not wanting to date and at the same time I began to worry that due the state I was at in early university, I would never marry or have children in the future. He gave me the confidence that He loves me for me and my future is in His hands.

Sure, sometimes it is lonely. Sometimes it is difficult because lust can still be a battle and for girls, I think there is definitely an emotional component to lust, which can be dangerous. I still crush...pretty hard core sometimes. Even John Mayer songs can make me get into this dreamy state that can be really distracting (mind you.....he IS the epitome of romance....do you hear the words that come out of this guy's mouth?...sigh). Anyways...

I am stealing the link to this article that a friend got from a friend (or something like that). Check out: http://www.boundless.org/features/a0000941.html.

I know God is working and teaching me in this so called "season of celibacy." I am scared to think that this "season" will never cease but it also scares me to think that it will, because I am so accustomed to living life the way I know it. Whatever the case, I must always ask myself: who is my first love. With joy, I can say Jesus Christ. And I think if I had gotten into the relationships I had previously longed for with the people I previously longed for, it would have been very messy and I would have made some HUGE mistakes. Praise God for working in me way way before I knew that He was.

my insecurity...getting the best of me

2004-11-07T23:03:00.000-08:00

Ah. Today I love: not very much. Have to search my brain here. Ok. Chapters. Jane Austen. The colour brown (my new boots and my new scarf). +strand RNA viruses just cuz they are easier than the others to learn. Indian food. My haircut. My handicapped rabbit (he's so cute). And God, of course. Today I do not love: a lot of things. The amount of crap I ate all weekend. My brilliant procrastinating skills. My inability to be emotional when I want to be and inability to control it when I don't. Needless nudity in movies. Not being able to sleep in every day. Thinking about travelling on crowded transit in the rain. Money and what it does to people. And I especially don't love my desperate need for acceptance and reassurance from other people (notice me! compliment me! talk to me! care about me! am i pretty? am i smart? am i funny? am i loved?). It is not until I go to new places where there are new people and I really don't know anyone on a decent level but hey know eachother and then BOOM! I am aware how insecure I am. So pitiful.

Poor Neglected Blog

2004-11-04T18:36:00.000-08:00

Haven't written for a while here, wow. So much has been going on inside me but seems not too much around me. I was invited to a Crusade "Life Conference," this weekend and at first I was a bit cynical. I thought, "Oh great, a staff recruiting event." In a way, it was true, they were allowing opportunities to "explore" what the ministry had to offer, but it was really about challenging us to think "Is Jesus really Lord of my life?" A simple question and something I usually just nod along in agreement with, but when I asked myself this during the weekend I was uncomfortable. Yes, I am living for Him.......but am I living it for Him first? So many other things sneak up and take his place. It is a daily struggle to give my life back to Him, and it is scary, but it always results in freedom. I have this card that pretty much says "I will follow God wherever and whenever He wants." I have hung onto it for months without signing it. The blank line is calling out to me, sign me, trust Him, let go. I am about to go downstairs and sign this card. It is about time. Praise Him for being so patient with me.

Wow, there went October

2004-10-20T22:12:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that October is almost over. It has been such a crazy few weeks. I have one more midterm tomorrow, then a short lab report for Fri and I am actually a bit more slowed down after this, which is amazing. It has been some of the busiest weeks of my life, but it has been okay, thank God. There really hasn't been anything exciting happening in my life to tell, nor am I in a very reflective mood right now. I have pretty much been a nerd and have been studying straight for the last few weeks.
Oh wait a minute, I went to a baby shower on Sunday for a friend from high school. It was so strange to see my high school friends. We have all gone our separate ways and as a group, are so far apart but there is so much that I think will always hold us together. I miss them. But anyways, I can't believe she is pregnent. It is crazy. It's a (relatively) happy pregnancy, she's not married but has been together with the guy for a long time and they seem prepared, but it is strange to have a closer friend pregnent. People I grew up with are growing up....and I guess that means so am I. I feel like such a kid in so many ways still.
Oh yeah, once again I have changed my mind. I am not applying to vet school this year.....I was talking to Lori and she was saying how she had walked around the Law building and couldn't picture herself there. I tried picturing myself at vet school. I knew my heart wouldn't be in it and I would regret taking a year off. Vet school will always be there. And my getting in doesn't have anything to do with me anymore. I have done what I hvae had to do at school and experience-wise. Once the application is off...my part is done. It is not even up to the people in charge of admsisions whether I get in or not. It will all be up to God. And if He wants me there (which I think He does) He will be the one to get me in. I'm playing this a year at a time. If I decide to take one more year off for applying to Stint, then I am fine with that. I hate the feeling that my life is some sort of time line and I have to keep checking things off and giving myself yearly deadlines (grad by this time, travel here, vet school here, marry here (maybe?), kids here (maybe?)etc etc). It is liberating to let that pressure go. I feel a sense a freedom. This next year I have off will be amazing and I really really need to do it.

Living for this moment....

2004-10-08T14:07:00.000-07:00

I am stuck in the frame of mind where I wait for the future and just try to get through now. Through midterms and assignments and getting up for class and rainy busrides. I need to stop this. I need to enjoy each day for what it is....not wait for it to pass.

My life is under construction. Which is good. I am tearing things down so God can rebuild them.

Hopes and Dreams on a Piece of Paper

2004-09-30T15:49:00.000-07:00

I have it....I have the vet school application. It is officially in my hands now. Yes, I will definitely apply this year. If I don't get in, Europe and Stint, then reapplying from Asia and leaving Stint early (?if I can do that?) to come back for inteviews in June. I think that is how it is panning out.

Gotta love Jack

2004-09-24T17:35:00.000-07:00

Wed: Took the day off. Slept in. Tidied my room. Ate lunch with my mom. Did some banking. Read some psych.........then went to Jack Johnson!!!!!!!!! So so so good. He made my week. Oh man, he is beautiful. I was so close to the stage. It was fantastic.

Thurs: Survived on very little sleep. Class and then spending some time at my stupid stupid poorly designed poorly organized lab. I am seriously choked........a 3 credit lab where you come in for 4 hours for the lab........all fine and dandy.......then spend 4 more hours of your own time doing lab work for 6 different projects. It's more like work than a class. Grrr. It is so consuming. And it anchors me down, I am always worrying about it in the back of my mind. Well anyways, then I got my hair redone. Oh mylanta, it is quite red.

Today: School then visited my old Pastor Peter, which was muchly overdue (still hadn't given my follow up stuff from going to Asia!). Awe, I miss him. He is great, and not afraid to ask the hard questions like "Why are you still planning on going to vet school?" Great, now the uncertainty arises again. Could I answer confidently? Not quite. Is it because I have been heading down this path since I was 5? Is it because everyone expects me to? But then again, any time that I think the chance could be taken away [eg I think I get (or really do get) a crappy grade], I feel a huge loss, and this intense fear that confirms "Yes, I really do want this....yes, God wants this for me." Even so, I wish I could do 4 different things at once........mission's work, vet, forensic investigator, and actress. 4 very different things pulling at me. Maybe I will go get cloned.

Running Out of Fuel

2004-09-22T01:26:00.000-07:00

"Every morning I, have a chance to rise and, give my all to You
But by the afternoon I find, I have only wasted time"--Jennifer Knapp

This song has been replaying in my head for the last week and a half. It has felt like a lot of doing doing, but still wasted time. Why is this? Because I have been relying on my own strength. Now, it is almost 2am on Tuesday night and it is catching up to me.......I am running out of fuel. Praise God, because He restores me back to life. If you are involved with Campus Crusade for Christ, then you are familiar with the line and dot analogy. Even if you are not with CCC you still may have heard about it. If a line represents eternity, what represents my life?
<---------------------------------------.------------------------------------------------->
A dot. I have been living for this dot. Being consumed by school and things to be done. There will always be things to do while I am in this world (and trust me, queen of listmaking, I will spot them and write them down), but I will not always be here. I have been too focused on this dot, I forgot what it means to live for eternity.

Lord, make me a channel of your peace. Amen.

And so the madness begins........

2004-09-12T16:59:00.006-07:00

So here it is ....Sunday. And here it goes. Time passes faster and faster, I swear it's increasing exponentially. Ahhh, school. It is already crazy crazy crazy. Between cru and pre vet stuff and classes and textbook stuff etc etc. There. The complaining is fini. On the other hand, I am happy to be back at school, and it could never be the same iwthout being so involved.

If you are wondering, things have smoothed out for me this week, but in a way that is still changing me. Thanks to those who emailed or called (sorry I didn't call u back yet Lyds!)...it meant a lot.

I had a good weekend. I had a date with God on Friday. We went to Starbucks and sat outside (undercover) in the rain for an hour and a half while the traffic whizzed by....I needed it. It was amazing.

Saturday, went to Rent with Gwen and ate Thai food. Very very good times, the show was awesome. I wish I could sing.......Today was SPCA Walkathon, which I went to for a bit for the Youth Program. The other spaces this weekend were spent dealing with pre vet and cru stuff. It was productive I guess.

Till next time....

The Plank in my Eye

2004-09-05T17:23:00.000-07:00

I feel sick to my stomach. I don't know what to do. I see my parents in myself....but not their good qualities, which are many, and which I too often overlook....only the bad things that I zoom in upon and get frusturated with. What a hypocrite. I am not who I somehow have convinced myself I am. I am completely and utterly selfish and self-absorbed. I have been looking around at the world for so long with judging eyes, but I missed my own reflection. Someone I love so much has just broken a piece of my prideful heart, and it needed to be broken. I am so sorry to my friends. I am so sorry that I fail to really listen to you. I am sorry that I don't try to empathsize with your situation. That I care so much about keeping things "sunshiny" in my own life that I fail to really get involved in yours when it is stormy, like a sister ought to do. I am sorry that I am constantly doing things and doing things that I don't make time for my friends and that I don't actually take some time out and think about who I am........all the ugliness that has made a home in me. I am sorry that I am so wired to defend myself that I can't take truthful criticism. I am sorry that I don't understand. I am so full of pride I don't even feel like looking her in the face right now. I want to run away instead. I have gotten so "religious" that I have failed to follow Christ. All I can say is sorry right now. I don't know how to change things, make them better.

"Everything inside me looks like everything I hate, you are the only hope I have for change, the only chance I'll take."

The End is in Sight

2004-09-05T01:00:00.000-07:00

Today it hit me.....this year will be the last chapter in the most significant portion so far in my life. And after the summer passing away so rapidly, I fear this year will also pass much faster than I could ever imagine. Today I helped first years move in to their residences. I wondered what their time at UBC would bring for them......when they reflect on their undergrad years would they focus on the joys of studying their asses off, the partying, the freedom of getting older, the friends they made.....or would it go deeper? What would these years do for them spiritually? Do they already know God? Or does He ever even cross their minds? Are they about to embark on a jouney that is bound to change the way each day of their lives is lived in the future?

When I came to UBC I was so lost. My friends were all on other campuses. I wasn't starting out so hot academically. I was questioning my future and sickened with worry about who I was and who I would end up being. In the midst of over thirty thousand students I was feeling more alone than I ever had before. I was self consumed and guilt ridden. Who knew that just around the corner was the defining moment in my life when my blind eyes opened and I found out who Jesus was. And in this moment, the chains that had bound me for the first nineteen years of my life were broken.

University has been more about my relationship with God than anything else. I love learning. I will admit I am a nerd. And I love the friends I have made here....in classes and with Campus Crusade. But discovering God takes the cake when it comes to the highlight of my UBC experience. I think this is true for many Christians, even those who have grown up in the Church. When we venture out of the confounds of high school and into the so called "real world" we are faced with deep and meaningful life questions. You discover who you are when you don't have the friends you have surrounded yourself with for so many years around you.

I am going to miss school at UBC. I love it there and it is a part of me. I can't help but feel pride in my school....I love the view and the trees and the squirrels and the clock tower and the SUB and sleeping in the library and Storm the Wall and sleeping on the floor of friends in res and Longboat and bubble tea and praying at the flagpole and the CRU office which feels like home and running into friends and learning something new and amazing in class about how life works and listening to the piano in the conversation pit and even the pit....

I don't know what the next few years of my life will look like. That scares me. I t even hurts to admit it. I am such a planner....but my plans are open now. I was told that He should be the author, not editor of my life. So be it. What I do know is that endings bring new beginnings. Amen.

I Thought ya Said "Salsa" ok?? Dinner is served.

2004-09-01T20:09:00.000-07:00

My sis is manipulative. I am her putty. My mom is clueless. She is entertaining in a Shindler's List kinda way. My father is his own best friend. I think he has 3 personalities. But they appear to get along well, so I say, "Gopher it pops....do what makes chya happy." There are greasy pawprints on my computer screen. Osoyoos was fun. My butt hurts from jet skiing. The end.

Another Year Older

2004-08-23T09:57:00.000-07:00

So now......I am another year older, it's true. 22 is kind of a boring birthday. I like, well liked, 21. It still sounded pretty young. 22 sounds older. Maybe I will just keep saying I am 21 until 30 rolls around. Anyways, I had a good and quiet birthday. I had been out camping in Maple Ridge for SPCA camps and just came home for dinner. Then I went back to camping that night, where only Fruno was still up! But then we forced Lindsay to get out of bed to go swimming at midnight. Poor Lindsay stayed on the shore and took care of her and my dog (who, by the way, is nuts). I still owe her soy ice cream. It was good times anyways. And my camp kids were really cute......they gave me presents and stuff.

So, right now I am reading Screwtape Letters. I have tried to read it so many times but now I am actually getting into it. It is sooooooo good. It really gives a good insight into our "condition" and I definitely realize when I read it how selfish and self absorbed I still am. I can also pinpoint areas of temptation and potential weakness much better. Makes me step back in awe......I still have so much to learn and so far to grow. My relationship with God is just beginning.

Well, I think I better get of the computer........I have a busy day. I am going to finish up my room, go out w my friend (maybe look at digital cameras for my bday present!) and possibly go protest outside of KFC. If ya wanna know why check out peta-online.org. It is really cruel and evil!

Ciao.

Wallowing in my own sorrow

2004-08-11T20:28:00.000-07:00

Do you ever get in those moods where you just hate everything and everyone? Where people all seem really stupid and annoying for no reason? Where you just look at your life and think "ugh"? Then it gets even worse because people try to be nice. I just want to hide in my bed and sleep and listen to sad songs right now. But instead I await Greek food and vent here, hoping to let some of this frusturation out. Unfortunately I must be somewhat social in a few moments. Why do I make things more stressful then they are? Why do I care so much about others opinions? Why do I not learn from my mistakes? Why am I not satisfied right now? Why do I cloud up my priorities? I want to be somewhere else right now, doing something exciting and amazing. Oh Father, snap me outta this, before I snap at another well-meaning person. Grr. Yeah yeah yeah, I need some devo........been so neglectful. Awe, I miss my roomie and shells and roose and bah-roo-lynn and chinglish speaking jenny and the guys ("very handsome") and emmanuel. Thats not even my reason for being sad either. I just feel like wallowing. Is that even how you spell wallowing? I miss Jenn and Julie and Jenna too. My room feels dirty and disorganized. I feel like I have no time to myself. The kennels at the Chilliwack spca are so sad and small. Those poor doggies. Why are we such a selfish and neglectful species? Why do we treat animals so poorly.....to be used for our benefit and disposal? Why are people so stupid? How can people be so cruel? There we go in circles...back to being angry at the human race. I know the answers to my questions for the most part. I wish I could change the world. I can go......I can tell them.......but I can't change hearts....that's not my job. I end this more frusturated then when I started.

Sniff sniff sniff.....kleenex is my best friend

2004-08-09T23:07:00.000-07:00

I can't breathe through my nose, booo....stupid sickness that won't go away. Soooo busy the last while. The time keeps flying by and I feel that the summer is slipping away on me. So, what has been going on in my life??

Oooo ooo ooo, I got a new doggy!!! He is a rescue dog from the SPCA. His name was Rex, but now he is Texas (aka Tex). He is so amazingly sweet. He's an akita x shep but I swear he has husky too. He gets along great with my dog Jake. He has these awesome blue eyes. Awe, puppy love. Oh poor Gwen, I forgot to call her tonight! Gwen......we WILL go looking for doggies soon. Don't give up on doggyhood yet.

What else...I saw my friend Karen on Saturday. We had a Sex in the City fest at her house. It was fun, but I wish I got to spend more time with her....she is leaving so soon (going back to Hong Kong). She was definitely a spiritual mentor to me when I first got to UBC. She is really an amazing person.

Hmmm...my uncle and aunt from Ottawa came over today. They are so sweet. I think my aunt is one of the cutest people I know. I wish that they lived closer.

Hmmm...oh yeah, I FINALLY found a campsite for the Crusade camping retreat...thanks to help from my wonderful parents. That's a relief.....I was beginning to think we were going to have to camp in my back yard!

Not much else....just seeing movies and work and volunteering. I went to the driving range last week too. I am soo outta shape.....I was actually sore the next day. Movie-wise, a brief word of wisdom...do not see The Village. Please spare yourself and wait for video if you must. Borne Supremacy is good. Anchorman is so stupid but sooooooo funny, I loved it. "I'm in a glass case of emotion!" Manchurian Candiate is pretty good. Is that all I have seen? Feels like more.

On another note, God has been consistently revealing new things to me, as I keep up with my devos and go to my new Church. I am too tired to go into detail about this stuff now, but hope to share some of them soon. My new Church seems very amazing......Great teaching, opportunities to serve, so much closer to my house, friendly people, and get this, my dad is really happy to join me there too! My mom even wants to check it out...Yay. God is working in them, I know it. I don't know what He is up to, but He is up to something. The pastor said something really cool the other day.......he said that "when we wait on God, God works. When we work, God waits." Made me very aware that I need to take some time out and spend some time to hear what God has to say to me. I need Him to help show me a plan for the next couple years of my life and some decisions I must make.....namely in regards to stinting, Europe, and vet school. Each time I think God shows me something, I give it over to Him, thank Him, grab it back, then try to conform it to my own standards and squeeze it into the plans I already have for myself and my life. It's like I half trust Him. Even so, it is amazing that He meets me where I am at. It is one of my favorite characteristics of God......I am always in debt to Him.......He is so compassionate.

The clock is ticking and my bed is calling out to me.

My bed is calling me......gravity.

Oh yeah, one more thing. So in love with the Starfield cd right now.

Creation

2004-07-26T19:29:00.000-07:00

Had a really really amazing last few days at the Gorge in WA for Creationfest! Actually survived camping with 5 guys, hehe. Still haven't recovered from lack of sleep though. We left yesterday morning at 2am to head back home! I was fine at work today but now I'm getting sleepy. Highlights: Jars of Clay (arrived JUST in time to see them, thank God), Switchfoot (again), Delerious, 20,000 people doing a candlelight worship service, and Josh MacDowell (though Newsboys and Tobymac were so awesome too). Lowlight: being so unbelievably hot and sweaty the whole time, porter potties (they were pretty decent though), and almost falling asleep at the wheel on the way home, hehe. It was so great to escape for a few days though. Oh yeah, and I got a kid! Ok, what I mean is me and Dave are gonna sponser a child from Thailand through Compassion. His name is Mai, he is 6, and he is soooo adorable and I am really excited about this. If you are thinking about doing something like this, totally check out the Compassion website. And I think that God kinda confirmed that I am supposed to stint. It just seems like I would regret it if I didn't. Now its the when and how to go about vet school stuff that I have to discern. Please keep this is prayer for me! Ciao.

2004-07-18T21:33:00.000-07:00

Sure did walk around Metrotown like this today. Who thinks I should actually go blonde??? It's on my "To Do Before I'm 30" list. Sorry I keep posting pictures of myself. I'm not actually vain. (Ok maybe just a little).

I've Got Christmas on My Plate and Romance in My CD Player

2004-07-16T23:42:00.000-07:00

Christmas on my plate refers to my red and green pizza on a paper Christmas plate that had holly on it.....romance to John Mayer (he is romance).

Oh man, I think when I used to write, I used to be a lot deeper. I think that I lost my involvement in that agonizing but rewarding process of pondering life's questions when I was in high school. Or maybe I just swallow the questions up and hide them in the back of my mind now because I am so swept up in business. But then again, I think many of the things that burned me when I was in high school are now answered...namely what my purpose is (to have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ and prepare myself for an eternity with him), who I am, who God is, and what my future holds. The latter is never answerable, but I can rest assured that it is in Gods hands and his plans are "to prosper [me] and not to harm [me]." This was a big part of me coming to faith...worrying about what lay ahead and fearing regret. Along with feeling disgusted with myself and realizing that God still loved me so incredibly much.

I was reading Shelley's entry from a few days ago and she talked about how she has layers that are hard to break through. I relate. Maybe I put up walls around me that makes it difficult to go beyond the shallow because it means vulnerability. Maybe I am just fearful to share with others the deeper things in my life now. Or maybe I feel many would not understand. Especially now that I am back from project...many things seem less purposeful and more shallow. Not to seem self-righteous at all or anything....I am definitely still a work in progress, I just grew so much in the last few months. It is difficult to connect to my mom and family and to some of my friends. I just wish they would see how amazing life is...how amazing Christ is...what God has done for us and the gift that is ours for the taking...and that we really were meant for so much more than it seems. And for those who have seen and tasted this but are struggling in their walk, I wish that they would be able to submit to God and forfeit the power struggle that we engage in with him.

So amazing to have Eleanor back here for the week. I can not believe how perfect the timing is. Our walks are so parallel. We accepted Christ around the same time, both involved in Cru (her in Britain) and we both just finished up a mission's project (hers was at an American University). Now we are both battling the possibility of stinting, and have lots of the same questions and struggles at the moment. I am craving fellowship, and God has definitely planned this out for us. So thankful. It will be hard to see her go again.

Anyways, it has been one loooonnngg week. I am going to hang out with my sis for a bit and then sleep. I am excited to sleep in tomorrow. Maybe I'll go swimming now in the pool. It's such an amazing night.

God bless.

Pizza fight

2004-07-09T23:36:00.000-07:00

Oh wow, which family has a blow out arguement over ordering pizza? Mine mine, pick me, pick me. Yeah, quite the gong show tonight. "Family night" turned into "family feud." Sent me off storming, intending to watch a movie at the theatre with my sis. But yes, we did the mature thing, picked up pizzas and movies, and returned home. The rest of the night was relatively peaceful, maybe cuz my parents have trouble staying up past ten. I love them.....but I think I need to get out of this house.

First week of camp is done. So basically, my job is as a camp counselor for the SPCA Youth Program Day Camps. It is similar to any day camp, only with an animal focus, and an emphasis on empathy. Went well, but I am glad for the weekend. My girls this week were pretty good but hyper. Yesterday they said that I remind them of a sunny blue colour cuz I try to be happy even though I am tired and want to be cranky. Crap, I didn't think anyone noticed my underlying crankiness. I seriously need at least 8 and a half hours to be alive during the day. What happened to first year and getting by on 6?

Well, anyways, Switchfoot tomorrow! Yay! Soooo excited. And so many birthdays! Happy bday Julie, Lindsay (so much for kidnapping you and going to True Confections, but I am glad you escaped Origami at home with your family), and almost to Gwen and Ashley. Craziness.

The news says that some man is going around killing trees.......what has this world come to? I should get some sleep.

Oh yeah, my mom actually seemed somewhat supportive of me going back to "that country" for a year to do a stint. Strange and unexpected. Please pray for me as I consider this. God seems to be butting in to all of MY plans. What can I say? I know His are best. Still scares the heck outta me.

Gonna watch 50 First Dates now with my sis. Nite!!!

Oh yeah, and I guess I'm keeping that picture up cuz people left comments anyways. I can't get it on my profile cuz its to big and I am too technically challenged to shrink it. SO complicated, this world is. Nite.

2004-07-08T00:11:00.000-07:00

Me again. Ignore this........just trying to get onto profile. Grrr, can't seem to do. Will erase soon.

Sarah's Classified Section

2004-07-07T20:22:00.000-07:00

Single white female seeks.......j/k
Does anyone want:
-to move to 13th and Dunbar from Jan-Aug of next yr? I REALLY wanna move to Lori's place, but 1st semester only. Any takers for the second????????
-Go skydiving on Aug 1st or 2nd? I'd prefer the second so I can hang with my cows on the 1st....but I am sure I can work sumin out.
-Go to Creationfest on July 21-25th?
-To burn me some cds if my cd case has been stolen (I left it on the plane....bad Sarah bad)? I miss my tunes:(
-Leave me comments. C'mon people, I know I am a neeeerrrd but I can at least pretend to be cool and pretend to have friends...my webpage is looking sad. Hehe.

Oh to sleep

2004-07-06T20:54:00.000-07:00

Oh maaann, I do not know why I am so tired. It's only 9 and I totally wanna get to bed. Ok, so work is tiring. And my mom says that I am exhausted cuz I keep myself too busy. But I think I might be sick. Fantastic, only 21 and I feel like I am getting old. My body is shutting down on me, hehe. Oh wells....I shared about my missions trip at church on Sunday, which went really well. I think people were encouraged, so praise God. I am gonna post my follow up letter soon I think. So, what else has been going on....I have been volunteering at a dairy farm on the weekends. I got crapped on soooo many times this past weekend....literally. I never thought I'd be milking cows. The babies are soooooo cute though. Yay cows. Ooo ooo and I got to eat Greek food today......so amazing. I haven't had it since I left for Asia. Yup yup, it was a carb day. Oh, sweet sweet pitas. Um, so it's really sad but I am gonna go to bed soon. I feel like a jerk cuz my dad just got home from being outta town and I have been on the phone, then came to the computer. I should go. But I am sooooooooooo excited cuz my awesome friend Eleanor from England is coming on Sunday and I am totally counting down! I haven't seen her for 2 yrs. Wow, I sound kinda sketch right now. All over the place. Me bed now. Ciao.

Feeling Sunnier

2004-07-01T00:47:00.001-07:00

Awe, okay, I feel better the last few days. My summer job rocks. I work at an SPCA camp that teaches kids about pet care and animal respect. Basically, I get paid for running around with kids and animals. And I get to bring my dog with me. Awe, my dog is so cute. Yes, it can be a challenging job, but it is awesome. There are a bunch of new counselors this year, its weird not having my friends from past years, but the new people are really kewl nifty neato.
Any-hoo, reading my roomie's (roomie from the mission proj I was on) posts the other day about feeling empty and missing everyone from the project made me feel way less alone. That's totally how Satan attacks you...by making you feel alone in your srtuggles. Thanks Lyds for being so encouraging. It also made me cry. I really do miss my friends and the country I visited. (I'm not naming the country cuz it is politically closed to missionaries and to the Gospel). I was so changed by the experience, and I feel like I left part of my heart there. I think I will write much more about this after.
It's been a great few days though, the weather perks me up totally. I've gotten to see some friends I haven't seen for a while. Overall, good times.
I gotsta go clean my bunnies up a bit, then have some devo time.

2004-06-28T23:41:00.000-07:00

mmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeee

Frustration

2004-06-27T23:52:00.000-07:00

How come I feel more spiritually empty coming back from Church than I do going there? My church is dying. It is becoming more and more difficult to love some of the people there as well. How come some people are so cliquey and rude and thoughtless? Time to move on. I have held on to it for way too long.

I have come back from an awesome mission project experience to a home of non-Christians. This is difficult. I really wish they would get it. It's hard. Especially being close to my family.

I'm tired. I don't want to start work this week even though my work is fun. I just want to lie in the pool and do nothing. I feel very unmotivated. This is going to be a very busy summer, but I am looking forward to some good times too.

Oh dear...I know this is going to turn into a place where I just complain. Sorry.

I dunno if I quite get this blog thing yet. Oh well, yay complaining. Time for bed.

blog is a funny word...i like it

2004-06-26T17:38:00.000-07:00

So....I wonder if anyone will actually ever read this....I wonder if I will actually keep this up...I went on Timmy's Blog....Heesee has one....Nessa has an online journal...I dunno if this is a good or bad thing....another thing like msn that will suck my time up. Oh well. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe I could write encouraging things. We'll see. Oh wells. I gotta get ready to go out for dinner. Mmmm dinner.